The Working Mom by Kay Luna

Be a hot mama: Spice up your relationship

Friday, February 17th, 2012 11:16 am

When I heard the Women’s Connection was going to host an event about “Hot Monogamy,” I laughed … and then signed up.

The speaker, Dr. Pat Love — yes, that’s her real name – promised to talk about how we can rekindle the sizzle that sometimes fizzles with time.  

As a service to all of you, I figured I would make the sacrifice to attend this event, so I could bring back some tips to help you spice up your relationships (oh, uh, yes, of course, it was only with you in mind, just to help all of you, I say, as I clear my throat uncomfortably… Suddenly, I hear crickets chirping).

I learned a lot. 

First, Dr. Love says if couples want to keep the passion alive, there are some things you need to understand about your partner and yourself.

She explained that some people are wired with what she calls “sexy bodies,” and others are wired with “sexy brains.”

The ones with the “sexy bodies” are the people with strong sex drives, who she joked that “if their hearts are beating,” they’re probably in the mood.

The ones with the “sexy brains” have to feel an emotional connection and experience low-stress levels before they are in the mood.

In the infatuation period of a relationship, everyone seems to be walking around in these sexy bodies, she said. So, when things seem to change in a relationship, partners start to feel resentful, if they don’t understand what’s going on.

“We often equate sexual desire with love,” she said. “But sexual desire is a separate drive.”

However, that intimacy is important in a relationship, and often people get divorced because they lose that emotional connection.

She said even if you were born as a “sexy brain” person, “how you play that hand is up to you.”

Dr. Love stressed the importance of communication, a healthy body image and creating ways to feel connected outside of bed.

She said couples should make a point of seeking out “skin on skin” touch (especially on the face, which she said is full of nerve-endings and very sensitive) to release the hormone called oxytocin, which promotes bonding, protectiveness and monogamy.

“You’ll be amazed on what that will do for that bond, for that connection,” she said.

Dr. Love also suggests couples find a passion they can share together, like a special hobby, activity or interest. That also strengthens intimacy and connection, she said.

At one point, she held up a smart phone and said technology is one of the biggest threats to marriages now. Through social media, people sometimes get caught up in flirtatious situations – or worse — with others, and lose sight of their own relationships.

You can learn more about this, check out her books, follow her blog and even watch her speak in a video online at

So, what do you think? How do you stay connected with your partner?

One Response to “Be a hot mama: Spice up your relationship”

  1. Nadine Zahnow Says:

    Amen Amen AMEN!!! early 2009 my boyfriend and I separated and I was going through a really hard time coming to terms with it.At first I tried everything else to try and get peace in my heart…hypnotherapy to heal didn’t work….anyway I turned to God and gave my life to him and then I oneday posted a prayer request..for peace of mind ….We are now back together and will get married according to God’s will .My heart really is at peace and only because of God’s intervention.Pray believe and your prayers will be answered.God is amazing!!.

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