The Working Mom by Kay Luna

As everyone who reads this blog regularly probably knows, I’m working on a family planning project here at the Times. So, I’m thinking about this topic a lot.

And as a former teen parent myself, I think about it a lot anyway. Especially because my own teenager, a son, just turned 17 — the very age I was (barely) when I had him.

I’ve always talked to him as candidly as I could possibly force myself to about the topic, although I don’t know if that would be his impression. It’s just uncomfortable to talk to my own child about … well … you know. But it’s absolutely a must-do. And not just one talk. Experts always say parents should have a life-long conversation with their kids about their family values and factual information regarding sex.

See, I said the word. Sorry, Mom.(she hates when I say breast-feeding, so I’m sure she’s blushing over the “s” word).

I’ve written about this in the paper before, which you can read by clicking here. But in my reporting on this project that I’m working on now, I heard about this Web site that offers 10 tips about talking to our kids about this subject.

Among all the suggestions on the list, this one struck me as pretty powerful: “In addition to being an `askable parent,’ be a parent with a point of view. Tell your children what you think.”

Does that mean being open with your child about your own experiences as a teenager or a young adult? I don’t know. And I’m getting nervous and sweaty just thinking about that.

Looking back, I think I’ve talked to my son a lot over the years about why it’s better to wait. But I don’t know if I truly got down to the nitty-gritty of why I believe that, and this Web site with the 10 tips really brings up some good issues to think about discussing with him … and eventually, with Babycakes.

What about you? How have you broached this subject with your kids? Or have you?

What a full weekend we had! But it was great.

We saw lots of family and friends, went to the zoo, went to a birthday party at the park, read lots of books, did the house chores and grocery shopping we needed to do … AND topped it off with a cookout and bonfire last night. Babycakes ate her first marshmallow (at least, with us!), and told us unprompted that it was, “Tasty! Delicious!”

About the bonfire, she said, “Look it. Look it. Don’t touch it. Hot. Pretty.”

She also told me, at one point over the weekend in the midst of our grocery store run, “Mommy, I go home.” She wanted to go home. I did, too.

This morning, she slept later than usual (must have been tired from the weekend), so I was able to get ready for work without Miss Babycakes’ “help.” When I finally went into her room to get her up, she said first thing … out of the blue … “Nuggets.”

As in, chicken nuggets. She must have been dreaming about them. She kept saying, “Nuggets, nuggets,” just to make sure I understood.

Then, she asked for eggs. We settled on her eating a fruit-filled breakfast bar instead. teehee!

By the way, are your little ones fascinated with Halloween, too? Babycakes is so into it all of a sudden. We have a book about a little boy and girl getting dressed up and going trick-or-treating, and have put out a lot of our fall decorations, so she has been talking about it a lot lately.

We have a “Tigger” costume that is her size — a much loved hand-me-down from a friend with a daughter a year older than mine. Considering her recent bottle-giveaway to the “tigers,” maybe that’s a good costume for her this year.

What’s going on with you all? Getting out your Halloween decorations yet?

YAY!!!!!! The deed is done.

Last evening, Babycakes (22 months old) and I bagged up all of her beloved bottles, one by one, saying “bye-bye” to them as they landed in an old Target sack.

We took the sack out to the yard and hung it on a bush, and I told her that the bottles now could go to the baby tigers.

That scared her a bit. She clung to me, burying her face into my shoulder. I realized she thought the tigers were coming TO OUR HOUSE to get the bottles, and that seemed scary.

So I assured her that, no, someone — a person – would get the bottles to them. 

She said, “Lady? Yes, lady. Bicycle.”

So, apparently a lady on a bicycle was the one who came and “took” the bottles for the baby tigers.

In real life, a lady DID take the bottles (me!) and put them in her car trunk, until she can pawn them off to her friends with younger bottle-drinking kids at home.

In exchange for the bottles, Babycakes received a gift hanging from the bush in their place: A stuffed baby white tiger, like the ones she saw on TV. She was so happy!

Whoooo. That’s done. Now, I’ll start working on getting her to sleep without requiring me to rock her or climb into bed with her. Any pointers on that one????

So, why not share your story?

I’m still looking for people to talk to about how they ended up with the kids they have — or don’t have. Some sample questions: Did you always know whether you wanted kids or not? Did you talk about this with your partner? Did you actually plan to have your kids, or were they unintended (but much loved, I’m sure)?

No one’s story is “not exciting enough” to be included. I want to hear them all.

And I’m coming down to the wire for my deadline.

So far, I’ve talked to about three or four families who I will include in my family planning story, which is part of a larger project I’m working on.

One couple met by accident, over a selection of CDs at Best Buy. She never wanted to have kids. He did. But they didn’t have time to talk about it before she got pregnant fairly quickly into their dating.

His support gave her the courage to have the baby she never thought she wanted … and now, she can’t imagine her life without her 2-year-old son. And the happy ending gets better: They ended up getting married a year ago, and now are trying to have another baby … planned, this time.

What about you???? If you’re willing to share, please contact me ASAP at (563) 383-2323 or kluna@qctimes.com.

P.S. There are a couple of women who have contacted me, saying they want to participate, but we haven’t been able to talk yet. Phone tag is a very frustrating thing. But I haven’t given up on you! Please give me another call if you get a chance.

Miss Babycakes Luna has not had a night-time bottle since Friday night, and I’m thanking NBC’s “Today Show” at least for part of our success.

(Please see this previous post for background).

Babycakes saw a glimpse of a segment last week about I don’t even know what, but she went crazy, pointing and saying, “Tiger! Tiger!” Whoever it was on there was holding a baby tiger, and feeding it with a bottle! It was a GLORIOUS moment.

Ever since then, Babycakes has been very agreeable about giving her old bottles to the baby tigers. I plan on asking her to help me bag them all up, and on the advice of my friend, Michelle (who saw something similar on the ”Super Nanny” show), we’ll put them outside for someone representing the ”Mommy and Daddy Tiger” to pick up for their babies.

Michelle said the nanny show showed the parents leaving a gift behind as a thank-you for the trade. I think that’s a great idea. I plan on doing this sometime this week.

I don’t know how I feel about telling Babycakes actual tigers will be coming into our yard to get her bottles! That’s why I think someone will “pick them up for the tigers.” Less creepy that way.

(This reminds me of how my parents got the bottle away from my little sister when she was a baby. They told her the “goats” got them all when we went on a vacation to Missouri. She never asked for them again).

She only has had one bottle all weekend (and that was a way-watered-down one). I told her she would only have one bottle that night. And when it was gone, she asked for another, but I held firm and gently told her no, that it was time to go to sleep. And she did!

On Saturday night, she was extra-tired from playing outside with her cousins for hours. She was ready for sleep, and didn’t even ask for a bottle.

Last night, she was more alert at bedtime than Saturday night. She asked for a bottle, but I told her no, and she was surprisingly OK with that. She drank a few sips of milk from her sippy cup, set it down and took a little longer to settle down … but soon, she was asleep. Without the bottle!

Let me say, though, that I’m still holding and rocking her to sleep at this point. I figured I would get rid of the bottle first, and then tackle putting her to bed awake. I don’t want to traumatize either one of us by trying to do both at the same time.

Thank you all for your suggestions and support! As soon as the bottles are completely gone from the house, then I’ll start working with her to go to sleep without needing to be held.

But enough about us … What’s going on with you? Are you facing any challenges/battles of your own at home with the kids?

We’ve talked here in the past about the tragic deaths of children who were left in carseats in hot (or cold) conditions, for hours on end, after working parents forgot or neglected somehow to drop off the babies at daycare.

Especially when my daughter was an infant, and I was still getting used to taking her with me places, I would reach around and touch her little head in the car … just to make sure I REALLY put her in the car. And I always was manic about checking the carseat in the mornings when I got to work … again, just to make sure. I still do that.

I’ve never forgotten my Babycakes in the car, or even come close, but I worry about it. But ask my teenager, and he’ll tell you I worry about a lot of things.

Now I have a new thing. Have you ever heard of kids getting killed accidentally in power car windows?

According to momlogic.com, a 3-year-old boy was recently killed in LA when his father stepped out of the car to make a phone call and left the boy alone inside the vehicle. The boy managed to wedge himself into a power window, pushed the button and died of a severe neck compression injury.

This happens more often than I’ve ever heard of, including these incidents listed by the Web site linked above:

* A 2-year-old Calgary girl got her head caught in a power window of a running SUV and died after her mom left the girl and the 6-year-old brother in the car while running an errand. The older child had fallen asleep, and the toddler activated the power window with her knee as she looked out the window, becoming stuck.

* A 3-year-old was calling to his friends from the window of his parent’s car when he accidentally activated the power window switch with his knee. The window closed on his neck. He died in a hospital later that day.

I can hardly stand reading about this (and blogging about it), because it’s so disturbing. But I’m glad to spread the word so we all are aware of this danger. Knowing how active my toddler is, I can imagine how easy this could be to happen. Horrible.

So, on that note, enjoy your weekend! Please stay safe. Talk to you next week.

My oldest kid turned 17 last Saturday. Yep, big ouch.

So, I decided I needed a pick-me-up; a transformation of sorts. I got my hair colored … dark. About three shades darker than what I had last week.

It’s actually closer to my natural color, but heck, at this point, who remembers what the natural color really is.

The change has really rattled some people. I can’t tell you how many co-workers have come over to my desk, put their papers down and just looked at me. It’s hilarious!

I’ve been saying to them, “Change is good.”

Well, I hope Babycakes thinks so, too.

Mommy and Daddy have decided she needs to end her bottle attachment at bedtime and FAST (at least, as fast as we can do it without losing our minds). She will be turning 2 in December, and she still has a very rigid expectation that we provide not one, not two, but THREE four-ounce bottles of milk for her every night at bedtime … and that Mommy holds her while she drinks them. Only then can I lay her down (fully asleep) in her crib for the night.

Last night, I worked the night shift and didn’t get home until midnight. That meant Daddy was in charge of bedtime rituals with Babycakes, and what a disaster. He said it took him two hours to get her to bed; every time he would try putting her in bed, she would scramble up and cry for him all over again.

I’m the one who primarily handles bedtime, so I’m the one who needs to fix this. But I don’t know where to start.

Should I get rid of the bottles first, and let her cry it out with a cup, and THEN try putting her in bed awake to fall asleep on her own? Or should I go cold-turkey with the whole thing?

I know, I’ve allowed quite a mess to be created here. In the end, I want my daughter to be independent and brave enough to be able to fall asleep in her bed without a bottle or a parent lying with her … It will be easier for her, and lots easier for us.

I’ve always thought, “Well, she doesn’t use a pacifier. What’s it hurt that she drinks bottles at night?” But it is hurting her, because it makes for a very uncomfortable, emotional bedtime when she doesn’t have Mommy with her and all her routines in place.

Until I get this figured out, I hope I don’t have to work any more nights.

Any ideas on the best way to go with this?

Does anyone spank their kids anymore?

For most of my childhood, my parents ruled by the “go to the corner” punishment, rather than spanking. But I knew lots of friends who got spanked at home.

And at my grade school, it was well-known that if you acted up, the principal would paddle you with a paddle that had holes in it, to make it hurt even more. It was a scary threat that everyone knew would most definitely happen, and that our parents would probably support such action if we “deserved it.”

Man, I wonder how that would go over today. Probably not so well, although maybe some kids would do better if they knew they would be paddled for bad behavior!

So, what about you? Do you spank — or have you spanked — your kids?????

Why not take advantage of this rare opportunity???

If you’re curious about who in the world could be lucky enough to marry me (hahahahaha!!!!!), and blessed enough to father the famous Babycakes, here is your chance to “meet” him. 

Check out a story in our paper today about Mr. Luna’s serious racing hobby, and a blog that shares more tidbits from him about racing.

And seriously, I didn’t threaten to beat anyone up or bat my eyes or anything to get this story in the paper. Honest!

But I sure am proud of him.

On an unrelated note, sorry I’ve been missing-in-action on the blog lately. I suddenly feel like I need to explain, since I talked to a woman today (Hi, Grace!!!) who tells me she LOVES this blog and checks it every day! Wonderful to hear!!!!!!!!! So, I want to apologize to her and others like her for not having anything new posted here in the past several days.

I was so sick earlier this week that I left work early Wednesday and then missed work altogether Thursday. But I’m feeling MUCH better today.

And as an FYI, I’m working a strange schedule next week, so I might not post again until Tuesday, but I’ll be thinking of you all every day! Hope you have a great weekend with your family and friends (or spending quality alone time. Sometimes that is needed, too).

Feel free to share any stories or comments you want to make in this space in the meantime!

P.S. I’m trying to get calls out to all of you sweet souls who have volunteered to talk to me about family planning for my project. I’ve talked to a few of you, and wow!!! I’m so honored to hear your stories. If anyone else out there wants to help me out, too, please e-mail or call me: kluna@qctimes.com or 563/383-2323. Thanks!

I want to make my mind more powerful, so I can “will away” my sickness. Do you think that’s actually possible?

My co-workers and family probably wish I knew how to tap into such a power right now.

I think I’ve caught the cold that Babycakes has been fighting for days, and …. well …. I’m sneezing and blowing and pumping hand sanitizer like it’s going out of style today.

Just wanted to check in and say hello, and put out another plea — come on, PLEASE help the sick woman! — for people to come forward who would be willing to talk about their own decisions regarding whether or not to have kids, and when, etc.

I’m working on a project about family planning, and am still looking for women AND men who have kids or don’t to talk to.

If you would like to help, please e-mail me at kluna@qctimes.com or call me at (563) 383-2323, before I drown in a big pile of crumpled-up Kleenexes at my desk. Thanks!